So you know you're not alone

I've been terrible lately about keeping the house clean. The other day I opened the cabinet door and there was one, ONE cup left, and the only reason we had clean plates was because we had been eating off of paper plates. There were piles and piles of dirty dishes that had been waiting for days to be washed. My excuse was I am almost out of dish detergent, but really I just hate to wash dishes. There are times Most of the time I'm stepping on leftover bits of cereal, noodles, or other bits of leftover food from the day. Forget about the floor actually being mopped. Walking through the living room or the kid's rooms is like walking through a field of land mines.  There are only a few places where some kind of toy, blanket, book, clothing, or shoes aren't laying for you to place your foot. I can get clothes washed and dried, but put away is a whole other story.
It's terrible. I know that it makes life more chaotic and takes away from the home being a place of comfort and rest. I struggle with my own self-esteem. As a stay-at-home-mom, shouldn't I have everything perfectly organized and the kids on a perfect schedule so they never get bored and start acting out and destroying things?
Part of the reasoning behind the mess is it's just the season of life. With two little ones, there is bound to be mess. However, I have to take most of the blame here. The fact is I lack self-discipline or to put it bluntly, I'm lazy. I really am an organized person. I know you think I'm kidding you after reading all this, but it's true. I am also a perfectionist. Again, I'm not kidding. However, I have this flaw that keeps me from being perfectly organized. I have this "it's overwhelming, and it can't be perfect so I might as well throw in the towel and just let it all just go" mentality.
I'm bearing my flaws here, so if your in the same boat or a similar one, you can know you are not alone. There is another mama out there struggling. I would surmise that there are a lot of mamas out there that at the end of the day they are just proud that they kept the kids alive even if all the Pinterest boards and pins would suggest otherwise.

Feel free to leave a comment so I know I'm not alone.

Handprints

Last night was a rough night for Ellis and therefore me as well. Ellis woke up just as I was getting ready for bed (I admit that it was really late like 1:30. I was waiting on Paul to go to bed.) She would not go back to sleep. She screamed and screamed when I put her back in her crib. I finally gave up and put her in the bed with me which meant I "slept" with Ellis on top of me practically all up on my head. At 3 am, I had enough of the uncomfortable sleeping condition and I put her back in her crib. Again, she screamed. I angrily told Paul, who had gotten some sleep during all this, "it's 3 o'clock and I haven't gotten any sleep if you don't want to hear her scream then you can go get her because I'm done." He groggily goes to get her and claims that she has a poopy diaper and angrily asks where all the diaper changing stuff is. So I angrily get up, get Ellis from him, get the diaper changing stuff, and change what turned out to be just a pee pee diaper. I hand her screaming back to him. Two minutes later he brings her into the room to try to get her to sleep in the bed with us. As he walks into the room, I angrily think to myself, "I know how this will go. I guess I will be sleeping with a baby on my face." Sure enough. Ellis ended up on me all nuzzled up on my face. At 4 o'clock, she was finally restful enough to lay her beside me in the bed to sleep. So, I got about 3 hours of sleep, but the kind of sleep where you feel like you are sitting on pins and needles because your nervous about the child in the bed with you.

You may be thinking, "what does this story have to do with handprints as the title suggests?" I said all that to understand the fatigued state this mama and her husband were in this morning. After feeding the kids, because you have to keep your children alive no matter how tired you are, I crawled back in bed. Paul got up and was taking care of the children. I don't know what happened the next couple hours, but at some point in time Paul came and crawled back in bed with me for a few minutes. Just a few minutes. That's when it happened because a few minutes later we had two precious children come in our room proudly showing off their colorful hands. Parker's hands looked like he had smacked a smurf and Ellis hands were black (although after further exploration, they were actually a deep purple). That's enough to spring a fatigued mama into action. I jumped up looked down the hall the finger paints looked untouched. I was just thinking, "did he get ahold of a marker and break it?" Then, it hit me. I let out a gasp and ran into the kitchen and found it. There lay a puddle of food coloring where four bottles of color had been emptied and mixed. Paul got to work on that clean up, and I put the kids in the bath tub really just to contain them to a single spot. After getting them in the bath, I noticed that Parker must have tried cleaning his hands off because my pretty hand towel had blue stains all over it. I got to work using the trusty rubbing alcohol to get the hand print marks off the walls. It really could have been worse. The hand prints were mostly contained to the bathroom and the sheets of our bed. For the most part the evidence has been wiped away, although a few marks still remain. I guess we are going to have to do a handprint art project so I can show the children the proper way to leave their mark.

Ellis's handprints on my bed. I was in panick mode so I didn't think to take pictures until I got to this.

Confessional

I have to confess...confess that I'm a lousy housekeeper. Most days if you would drop by my house unexpectedly, you would find remnants of about 3 meals hanging around on my kitchen floor, pots and pans sitting on the counter waiting to be washed, and a sea of toys to dodge on the living room floor.  I like things to be clean and organized, and I can get my house that way, but the problem is I'm lazy. There are so many other things I would rather do than to clean up. The ironic thing is that while I'm ignoring the everyday house cleaning, I've been working on getting things ready for our big move to New Orleans which is a little less than four months away. I've been getting rid of clutter at least and packing up a few boxes. I would much rather do those things than clean up a kitchen. I know that sounds weird.

I've been on a mission for some time now to be more disciplined with my time. I can do good for a few days. Then things get crazy and I'm back to square one. But I'm not giving up. I'm not striving for perfection. I'm just striving for better. Thank God He is so gracious to me. He can help me overcome my laziness that is preventing me from being the best that I can be. I've been learning how to give myself some grace. I know that the reality of having littles running around means that keeping a house pristine clean is out the window. Like a friend of mine said cleaning up after children is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing. That being said though I still know that I can do better.

I'm putting this all out there because it feels good to get my dirty little secret (pun intended) out there, and hopefully help encourage someone else who is struggling like me. So there you go. 

Little Chef

Parker loves to be in the kitchen with me, and he loves to help me cook. To be honest, I'm not always welcoming to these loves of his. Certain meals just aren't condusive to having little toddler helping hands, and therefore, I can get a little stressed and just maybe a little irritated and just maybe I might raise my voice at him.

Anyway, today I let him help me make super. We made pizzas using tortillas. This was an easy meal for us since Paul was working this evening, and this was a perfect meal for Parker to help me make. He helped me stir the sauce. [This is a little free information here. I make my own pizza sauce using tomato paste. I just add water, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, sugar, and italian seasoning and you have it. Whenver I have left over tomato paste, I freeze it in ice cube trays so when you need a little bit for a recipe you have it there without having to open another can. These were also handy for making pizza sauce for two mini pizzas.] He put it on our "dough." Then, we had fun topping. He put his pepperonis in the shape of a Mickey head and adding some olives, mushrooms, and onions.

There was a moment when we were putting together our pizzas that I thought about one of my prayers of that morning. I prayed for God to help me be a good mother and to have a good attitude toward my children no matter what they do. There were moments that day when Parker was doing something that he shouldn't be doing where I could have handle the situation by yelling at him, but God helped me to diffuse the situation and to reroute him to good behavior. Blessings from God! God helped me to show grace to my baby boy and to love him unconditionally. Then, there I was enjoying this sweet moment cooking in the kitchen with my little chef. I couldn't have answered that prayer better by orchestrating my day myself.

Funny Follow-up

After posting the previous post, Guilt No More, I logged onto Facebook only to see someone post a link to the following article from thegospelcoalition.org (click on the link to take you to the original article for credits). I thought it would be a fitting follow-up to my post.

How Much Is a Homemaker Worth?

The Story: A study conducted by the financial service company Mint found that the sum value of different homemaking duties annually amounts to almost six figures. If a homemaker's job were salaried, it would draw, on average, $96,291 per year. Tasks accounted for in the study included private chef, house cleaner, child care provider, driver, and laundry service provider.
The Background: There's no escaping the fact that contemporary society often scoffs at stay-at-home moms. "This isn't the 1950s anymore," the thinking goes. "Why in the world would someone want to be imprisoned in her own home?" The common idea, of course, is that many responsibilities on the home front should be outsourced, thus releasing moms from domestic shackles to realize their vocational dreams. While such a mindset isn't automatically wrongheaded in every case, it can frequently betray a prioritization that is biblically questionable.
Why It Matters: Proverbs 14:1 states: "The wise woman builds her house." While the monetary value and practical feasibility of full-time homemaking may vary from home to home, what remains constant is the irreplaceable significance of a homemaker's contributions. The Mint article concludes, "The daily work of a homemaker can sometimes be taken for granted....However, these services could earn a homemaker a considerable wage if he or she took those skills to the marketplace. Homemakers, in general, contribute a lot more to the home in addition to these tasks and no amount of money can fill those needs."
Indeed, no study could ever fully quantify the service of a mother who "looks well to the ways of her household" (Prov. 31:27). At the very least, this research should prompt us to express fresh appreciation to those stay-at-home moms whom we love and who, though receiving little recognition in the eyes of the world, are faithful and treasured in the eyes of their King.

Guilt No More

     I have to admit that I've often felt guilty about being a stay at home mom (SAHM). I've had thoughts of inadequacy that have led me to think that maybe our family would be better off if I went back to teaching. I feel that I've put a lot a pressure on my husband as he is the sole provider of income for our family. When I look at the small amount of money in our checking account, the house full of hand-me-down furniture, the one car parked in our carport, I often think that if only I wasn't a SAHM then I could fix these "problems." Then on a spiritual level, I feel that I'm not making enough of an impact on the lost world around me because I'm just sitting at home all day with 2 kids and a dirty house.
     I was thinking about these things yesterday as I was doing my daily chores when I felt the Lord say to me, "don't forget I CALLED you to this." I had forgotten. I had forgotten that when the Lord calls us to something He provides. He has taken care of us on one income. We have never gone hungry, unclothed, and unsheltered. In fact when I look at our finances, I'm always reminded that God is the one who carries us day to day. He really is the sole provider of this family. Yes, we aren't living the "American dream" with a house that has 3 times more space than we really need filled with name brand stuff with 3 cars parked in a 3 car garage when only 2 people in the house can drive. But we are living a dream bigger than all the money in the world can provide.
     God reminded me that I am making an impact on this lost world around me. The early years of a child's life are the most crucial in developing a Godly world view in that child's life. Since I'm at home with the children and I plan on homeschooling, then I have a major responsibility in discipling my children into people who love Christ with their whole being who are not afraid to live a radical life following Him. I'm discipling my children so that as they grow older they will in turn reach out to the lost world. I AM making an impact on the lost world.
     All this boils down to where our treasures lie. If I keep my focus on things of God, then everything falls into proper perspective. When my time on earth is over, it won't matter about how much money we had or how much nice stuff we owned. Therefore, I will no longer feel guilty. (Well, at least I will do my best. It will be a constant battle of the flesh to overcome.) God has called me to be a SAHM and to help support my husband in ministry. I wouldn't have it any other way. God is so good. He's so good to me.

[Note: If you are not a SAHM, please don't take what I said to be that every woman should be a SAHM. That just isn't so. As long as you are doing what God called you to do, then you have nothing to worry about. May God bless you and your family in whatever role He has called you to.]