Yesterday, I took Ellis for her 8 month check up. I was already a little nervous about the visit because I had taken her 5 days before for sickness and she still weighed the same. She weighed the same as she did at her 4 month check up and her 6 month check up. I was concerned at the 6 month check up but the doctor wasn't concerned then because that can be a normal thing but now that after another two months of the same they are concerned. And so am I. She's actually dropped about an ounce. Her length and head circumference hasn't changed either. Now, we are trying to figure out why she is failing to thrive. The doctor ordered all kinds of blood test for blood chemistry, celiac disease, and even cystic fibrosis. Cystic fibrosis! That one freaks me out the most. We have to meet with a pediatric gastroenterologist and a pediatric endycronologist. And if all that doesn't give answers we will see a pediatric cardiologist. The possibilities of what's causing her failure to thrive range from simple to scary. Of course, as a mama it's hard not to think of the worse. It's so hard not to worry. I have to admit that I had a hard time this morning. I couldn't quit thinking about worse case senario. The fears were just pouring from my mind. I know that God is in control. I know that He created Ellis exactly how He planned for her. I know that whatever we face He can handle. But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel pain. I just kept praying for God to overcome my fears because I couldn't do it.
The doctor wanted me to nurse Ellis at least every 3 hours during the day and increase her solid intake if Ellis would tolerate it. I feel like I have been stuffing her full today. I've been nursing her around every 2 1/2 hours and feeding her as much solids as she would take. We go back to the doctor on Monday to see if she gains any weight from doing this. If she has that will be great but a part of me will feel like this is all my fault. What if everything comes back normal and the whole reason she hasn't grown is because she hasn't eaten enough? Don't get me wrong. I would be so thankful for such an easy solution and compared to the other possibilities this is the best one. But I would still feel like such a failure. How could I have missed her signals that she needed to eat more? She doesn't really cry when she is hungry. I just always end up feeding her when she wakes up. She doesn't eat very long when she eats. It makes me wonder if she is getting the fattening hind milk. Is there something wrong with my milk? Am I producing enough? It is hurtful to think that my milk may not be good enough. This is my second time nursing a child. I nursed Parker for a whole year and he was always around the 95th percentile. She wouldn't even take solid food until a month ago, actually more like 3 weeks ago. I want to be able to breastfeed my child for a whole year, but I want to do what's best for her. If switching to formula is what is best then that is what we will do. But at this point, she refuses to take a bottle. So what am I to do? I know I'm speculating a lot when it will take some time to get some answers, but like the title says I gotta get these feelings out.
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Hey, I saw this post when I read your papertowel post. Something very similar happened to Sophie at her 2 month appointment. In 1 month she'd dropped from the 75th percentile to the 30th. I had to nurse her and then pump and offer her a bottle. We had to go back every week for a month to monitor her progress. I remember how scared I felt that month. She gained weight and the dr. determined it was reflux. For a whole month she cried because she was hungry but wouldn't eat because it hurt. I will be praying for you and Ellis.
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